Phone Calls That Age Veterinary Receptionists Prematurely
An entirely scientific study. 
Veterinary receptionists answer a lot of phone calls.
Some are easy.
Some are routine.
And then there are the ones that remove approximately six months from your life expectancy before you’ve even finished saying “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”
For educational purposes, we’ve compiled a list of the phone calls most likely to cause a CSR to stare into the void for a few seconds afterward.
The “I’ve Already Tried Everything” Caller
The pet has not been seen by a vet…
But they have:
- Consulted Google
- Consulted Facebook
- Consulted their neighbor
- Consulted a person at the dog park
- Consulted an aunt who once owned a cat 11 years ago
You are somehow the last person being consulted.
The Heavy Breather
You answer.
Silence.
Then:
Breathing
More breathing.
Still breathing.
You begin questioning your life choices.
Eventually they say:
“Yeah, uh…I have a question.”
You nearly cry from relief.
The “Can You Hold While I Find HIm?” Caller
You answer the phone…
They need an appointment.
Great! We can definitely get something scheduled for you!
Then:
“Hold on, let me go find him”
And then your suddenly listening to:
- Footsteps
- Cabinet doors
- Someone yelling “Mittens!”
- What sounds like a wrestling match
The Emergency Caller Who Doesn’t Think It’s an Emergency
Client: He’s having trouble breathing, can I book something for 2 weeks out once we get back from vacation? It’s probably nothing.
CSR: Heart leaves body
The Non-Emergency Caller Who Things Everything is an Emergency
Client: I need to be seen immediately.
CSR: What’s going on?
Client: One of his nails is slightly longer than the others.
The “I Don’t Know My Pet’s Name in the Computer” Caller
CSR: What’s your pet’s name?
Client: Bubba
CSR: I am not seeing a pet under that information
Client: Well…my daughter calls him pickles
CSR: I am not seeing a pet under that information either
Client: Oh! I think his name in the system is Theo
CSR: Okay, I don’t have a Theo but we have a Theodore
Client: Yes! That’s it
Now that’s a phone call that ages a vet receptionist prematurely…
The Caller Who Immediately Starts With “I’m Not Upset”
They are upset.
You know it.
They know it.
The next ten minutes are simply formalities.
The “Can I Speak Directly to the Doctor?” Caller
Without an appointment.
Without context.
Without warning.
Just raw confidence.
The Storyteller
You ask “How old is your pet?”
Twenty minutes later you’re hearing about:
- A camping trip
- Their cousin’s dog
- A neighbor named Steve
- And somehow the pet’s age still hasn’t been established
The Last-Minute Appointment Caller
At 5:57pm, the phone rings…
Client says:
“I know you’re about to close, but…”
The seven most terrifying words in vet med.
The Repeat Caller
Calls.
Hangs up.
Calls again.
Hangs up.
Calls again.
Eventually reaches the front desk again begins with “I’ve been trying to get through all day.”
The Caller Who Refuses to Answer Questions
CSR: Can I get your pet’s name and your last name?
Client: Why?
Final Thoughts
Vet receptionists are customer service representatives, schedules, communicators, problem-solvers, amateur detectives, emotional support providers, and occasionally hostage negotiators.
And somehow, despite the heavy breathers and emergency non-emergencies, they continue answering the next call with a cheery “Thank you for calling…
Which honestly deserves some kind of medal.
Or at the very least, a very large coffee.
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