If Vet Med Has Its Own Fortune Cookies

Because sometimes the universe has a message for you, and apparently it’s “prepare for a walk-in.”

Vet med is unpredictable.

You can start the day with a perfectly reasonable schedule and still somehow end up with a vomiting lab, a cat who has rejected society, three urgent callbacks, and a printer that has chosen this exact moment to lose the will to live. 

So naturally, we started wondering:
What if vet med had its own fortune cookies?

Not inspirational ones…
Realistic ones. 

The kind that prepares you for what is actually coming.

“A surprise appointment is in your future.”

This fortune is included in every box. 

There is no escape.

You may think the schedule is full.
You may believe all appointment slots have been accounted for.

You are wrong.
Somewhere, somehow, another appointment is coming. 

“Today, avoid anyone holding a carrier sideways.”

This is not superstition.
This is survival. 

A cat carrier held normally may contain a cooperative patient. 

A carrier held sideways, upside down, or wrapped in three towels definitely contains a situation. 

Proceed respectfully. 

“A small dog will have a very large opinion.”

The dog weighs 6.8 pounds.
The personality weighs approximately 94 pounds.

Bring backup. 

“You will find exactly what you were looking for after you no longer need it.”

This applies to:

• Scissors
• Tape
• Clippers
• Forms
• Charging cords
• The one specific medication someone asked about 20 minutes ago 

It was there the entire time.
Somehow. 

“Free food will soon appear.”

This is one of the better fortunes.

When it happens, move quickly.

Do not hesitate.
Do not assume there will still be cookies after you finish your appointment.
There will not. 

“You will soon be asked a question that requires significantly more context.”

Examples include:

• “Is this normal?”

• “Can I give him something?”

• “Do you think it’s serious?”
• “What should I do?

There are 46 possible follow-up questions.
Choose wisely. 

“A patient will behave perfectly after the owner warned you they absolutely would not.”

Ahhh, another one of the better fortunes.

The owner has described this animal as:

• Impossible
• Terrible
• Dramatic
• Unable to be handled

The patient then sits quietly and accepts everything. 

The owner is offended on a personal level. 

“A patient described as ‘very sweet’ will test your character.”

To be fair, they probably are sweet.

Emotionally.
Spiritually. 

Just perhaps not while anyone is touching their paws. 

“You will finish your coffee while it is still warm.”

Do not get excited.

This is a rare misprint. 

“A client will remember one more thing at the end of the appointment.”

You are standing at the door.
The visit is complete.
Everyone has mentally moved on. 

Then:
“Oh wait! While we’re here…”

The universe laughs.

“Someone will say the clinic feels unusually quiet.”

Do not let them finish the sentence.
You have seconds.
Possibly less. 

“Your next patient will arrive early.”

How early?
Enough to create hope. 

Do not trust it.
The following three appointments will restore balance. 

“A dog will refuse the treat until their appointment is over.”

The treat offered during the exam?
Disgusting.

The identical treat offered while leaving?
A delicacy.
Five stars.
More immediately. 

“You will be emotionally manipulated by a puppy.”

This is unavoidable.

You will attempt professionalism.
Then the puppy will roll over. 

All remaining credibility is lost. 

“Your lunch will be interrupted by something beginning with ‘real quick.’”

Spoiler alert: It is not real quick. 

“The technology will work perfectly until someone important is watching.”

Trying to demonstrate a process?
Computer freezes.

Need to show the new software?
Logged out. 

Vendor on the phone?
Suddenly nothing loads.

The machine can sense confidence. 

“A client will apologize for ‘talking your ear off’ and then continue talking.”

The apology is ceremonial.
The story has six more chapters.
Buckle up.

“Someone will need the exact thing you just threw away.”

You kept it for six months.

You finally got rid of it.

The request arrives within 24 hours. 

This is veterinary law. 

“You will say, ‘Where did everybody go?’”

One second ago, the clinic was fully staffed.

Now?

You are alone.
The phones are ringing.
There is movement somewhere in the back.
Nobody is answering.

You have entered the void. 

“A pet will immediately forgive you when cheese appears.”

This is perhaps the most important lesson in vet med. 

Trust can be rebuilt.
Relationships can heal.

But something dairy is required. 

“Your team will laugh at something that would concern people outside of vet med.”

No explanation will be provided.
It would take too long.
And somehow, explaining it would make it worse. 

“You will survive today.”

Now that one we believe. 

The schedule may change.
The printer may rebel.
Someone may hand you a carrier and say: “Be careful.”

But somehow, the team will figure it out.
You always do. 

Final Thoughts

Traditional fortune cookies promise wealth, romance, opportunity, and exciting adventures. 

Vet med fortune cookies would mostly tell you to protect your lunch and prepare for a complicated nail trim. 

But perhaps that is more useful. 

So the next time you crack open a fortune cookie, ignore what it says about prosperity. 

Your real fortune is probably:
“A client will arrive at 5:57pm with a story that begins with, ‘So this has actually been going on for a while…’”

Good luck out there.