Things Our Clients Say That Would be Weird Anywhere Else

Vet med is full of strange moments…but nothing is stranger than the things clients say with total sincerity. Things that, if uttered in literally any other setting, would earn at least a raised eyebrow (if not a restraining order).

Here are a few real gems that only make sense in a clinic…and why we love it.

“Oh, I have Buddy’s stool sample here in my purse, let me get it for you.”

At Target? Weird.
At brunch? Illegal.
At a vet clinic? Typical Tuesday.

Somehow the waiting room becomes a judgement-free zone where people casually whip out baggies of poop like it’s currency. Bonus points if it’s double-bagged. Double bonus-points if it’s in a Tupperware container that you hope isn’t going back into their kitchen cabinet later.

“Can I get his anal glands done while we’re here for vaccines?”

At the vet: Totally reasonable request.
At the dentist: Deeply concerning.

“The diarrhea only happens on my white carpet.”

Classic. Because pets are contractually obligated to ignore tile, hardwood, or literally any other wipeable surface.

“I think my cat’s depressed because I rearranged the living room furniture.”

This is either the most relatable statement ever…or proof that cats are secretly running the housing market.

“She only tries to bite people in uniform.”

We’re not saying your dog is anti-authority, but we are saying she’s one protest sign away from joining a rally.

“He only vomits when I wear sandals.”

Some dogs bark at the mailman, some dogs chase squirrels and then there’s some dogs whose owner swears that their pet has a personal vendetta against open-toed shoes.

Somehow, the client says this with 100% seriousness, expecting you to jot it down in the medical records:

“Vomits exclusively in summer months. Correlation: owner footwear.“

“Oh don’t mind the smell, that’s just his normal breath.”

“Normal” in this context translates to: “smells like a decomposing fish marinated in garlic.”

“I didn’t bring her in sooner because I googled it and it said to wait 3 days.”

Translation: I trusted a forum post from 2009 written by a guy named DogLuvr420.

The Takeaway

Vet med is one of the only worlds where these statements make sense. And honestly? We wouldn’t have it any other way. These bizarre little soundbites are the stories that get retold in the treatment area years later, usually while someone’s stress-eating Goldfish crackers at 10pm.

So the next time a client says something that would sound completely unhinged outside the clinic walls – write it down and treasure it. These quotes are the glue holding our collective sanity together.